ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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