I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
