Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
