you mean i was at the winter classic?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm at about main and main street
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
