kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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