im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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