Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
