the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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