The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
