How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
