Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
