I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
