Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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