i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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