She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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