i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
