your parents love me but you hate me
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
