your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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