she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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