I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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