I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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