Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
