So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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