remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
