he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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