Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
