I can't watch pbs sober anymore
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
