May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
