What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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