Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
