His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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