If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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