If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
that's an acceptable place to lick
so let's talk penis.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
