I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
