you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
