My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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