there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
