do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
