She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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