His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I hate all girls vehemently.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
