Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
