my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
