and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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