I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
BRING THE BAGELS
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
