If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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