her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
