If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Randomize
