Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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