people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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