when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
