oh god the rape fog is back!
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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