How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
