5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Randomize
