the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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