Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
this hospital has no fireball
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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