Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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